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Commencement Ceremony A Actual Damaged Fucking Report About Scholar Who Died In Automotive Accident

APPLETON, WI—Noting that a summary had been performed shrill and fucking transparent already, attendees of Appleton West Excessive Faculty’s derivation rite Saturday reported a whole thing had altered into one massive, shop-worn news per their late classmate Chelsea Heckel’s remarkable passing in a automotive accident. “When a vanguard non-stop with a debate dedicating a rite to Chelsea, it was a pleasing small contact, however 10 mins later, Principal Garrison launched right into a harangue concerning a unifying appetite of tragedy. Come on, we don’t contingency repeat it one million fucking instances,” settled connoisseur Jake Money, who was fast interrupted by a opening records of Wiz Khalifa’s “See You Once more” as Heckel’s varsity softball teammates launched a intense slideshow that includes photographs of their defunct teammate. “We get it—she was taken from us distant too fast however her suggestion lives on in each one among us and we’ll safety her alive in a hearts, however please, safety this shit shifting, okay?” At press time, a difficulty valedictorian had begun her graduation debate by alluding to a latest comfortless arise that indeed mutated her opinion on life.

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