SINCE gratifying telly became the materialisation that it is, armchair fans have rowed over what they consider is the biggest Christmas film ever.
Naturally, these ardent debates engage discussions about how a film qualifies for consideration.
For some, Die Hard, with its f-bomb-loving, wise-cracking New York cop John McClane (Bruce Willis) battling appurtenance gun-firing terrorists led by Hans Gruber (the late, good Alan Rickman) in LA’s Nakatomi Plaza skyscraper, just isn’t Christmassy enough.
As wrong as a police arch promulgation in the SWAT group after McClane’s already pronounced that the villains have “enough plastic explosives to circuit Arnold Schwarzenegger”. Damn bureaucrats!
So what depends as a Christmas film?
Well, these are the manners – and by THE manners we meant MY rules.
Just like John McClane, I’m a no nonsense bad child delivering my own code of justice, and even as we write this I’m wearing a white sleeveless top and walking barefoot on broken glass.
(I’m doing conjunction of those things but we wish you to know this is critical business. Sorry.)
1. The movement has to take place at Christmas.
2. Christmas has to be used as a tract device.
3. Christmas has to be referenced via the screenplay.
Die Hard satisfies all 3 manners easily, and does so very early on.
In the first two scenes of the movie, we see the favourite John land in LA on Christmas Eve carrying a outrageous cuddly fondle bear.
It’s a Christmas benefaction for one of his kids. He’s off to a Christmas party, thrown by his disloyal wife Holly’s (Bonnie Bedelia) organisation – the Nakatomi Corporation – and he asks his limo motorist – the talent Argyle – if he has any Christmas music.
On arrival, as McClane creates his way to the 30th building where the party is being held, he’s actually whistling the balance of Jingle Bells.
Come on people. That’s a lot of Christmas already and we’re only 5 mins in.
Rule 1 then is already taken caring of, as this story is clearly happening at Christmas.
Rule 2 is sorted, as the only reason McClane is even there is since he’s coming to see his family for the holidays.
The building in doubt is under construction and the soon-to-be-hostages are only on site since their bosses suspicion it’d be a cold place to have a Christmas do. And what’s some-more Christmassy than the bureau party?
Rule 3 is not even a contest.
The strange trailer (above) has 3 Christmas references in its first 10 seconds and the gag-heavy screenplay, co-written by Steven E. de Souza and Jeb Stuart, is dirty with them.
A personal favourite is just after McClane kills his first terrorist.
He sends a warning to the remaining villains by sauce him in a Santa shawl and promulgation him down in a lift with “Now we have a appurtenance gun. Ho, Ho, Ho” written on his top.
Still not satisfied?
OK then. What about something miraculous?
In a after stage Theo, arch knave Hans Gruber’s tech guy, tells his boss that to open the final close of the Nakatomi protected he’s going to need a miracle.
When the authorities close down energy around the building to shock the terrorists, it has the impact of enabling the electronic protected to open.
It prompts one of the movie’s many famous lines, as Hans says triumphantly: “You asked for miracles Theo, we give you the F-B-I.”
Towards the finish of Die Hard, John McClane faces up to Hans Gruber and one of his henchman, who are still holding Holly hostage.
As she spots her beaten and bloodied husband, her first word is “Jesus!” – utterly good for a intensity saviour!
To Hans it now appears as yet he will finally get to kill John, but what he doesn’t know is that McClane is hiding a gun which he has stuck to his back with Christmas tape.
Watch the clip next and check out its gratifying design.
As he rips the arms from his back and shoots the bad guys, John is radically giving himself and his wife the ultimate gifts of leisure and life. The Lord moves in puzzling ways.
Other arguments in foster of Die Hard’s Christmas case embody the explain that John McClane is named after John the Baptist.
And some couple the fact that there are 12 terrorists with both the 12 Apostles and 12 Days of Christmas.
The case against routinely takes the form that Die Hard is too aroused for Christmas. So what about the competition?
Home Alone is about thievery and child neglect. It’s A Wonderful Life tells the story of a suicidal banker, and Gremlins facilities a stage where an aged lady is worried on a stairlift.
They shouldn’t be unfit for their assault either. It’s about how the story ends.
In Die Hard’s case, the finale is perfect.
McClane’s big companion Sgt. Al Powell earns his own emancipation by sharpened the final terrorist, Karl.
As John and Holly kiss, confirming their Christmas family reunion, limo motorist Argyle declares: “If this is their thought of Christmas, we gotta be here for New Year’s!”
And as the finish credits of the film begi,n we are treated to Vaughn Monroe’s spiritually fortifying Christmas strain Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!
If you’re still not convinced, just go home, take off your shoes, walk around on the runner “making fists with your toes” (just as Bruce did in the movie) and watch it again.
McClane will do the rest.
“Yippie Ki Yay M**********r!”
Today we suggested when you can catch other gratifying films like Love Actually on TV this year.
Last month Mariah Carey announced that she would spin one of her biggest hits into a full-length movie.